"Madam, your husband must have absolute rest."

"Well, Doctor, he won't listen to me."

"A very good beginning, madam, a very good beginning."

"What are the chances of my recovering?" asked the bedridden man.

"One hundred percent," the physician reassured him. "Medical records show that nine out of ten die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. Others all died. Statistics are statistics. You'll be fine soon enough."

Son: "Gee pop, there's a man at the circus who jumps on a horse's back, slips underneath, catches hold of its tail and finishes up on the horse's neck!"

Dad: "That's easy... I did all that the first time I ever rode a horse."

Student: "Professor, I can't go to class today."

Professor: "Why?"

Student: "I don't feel well."

Professor: "Where don't you feel well?"

Student: "In class."