During the vows at the wedding the minister asks the bride to be, "Do you take this man to be your wedded husband for better or worse?"

The bride answers, "Just as he is Father. If he gets any better, I know the Lord will take him, and if he gets any worse, I'll tend to him myself."

Artist: "This is my very latest painting. I call it 'Builders at Work'... it's very realistic."

Friend: "But they really aren't at work."

Artist: "Of course, that's the realism."

Overheard at the race track...

Bettor: “I’m betting on a horse that is 20 to 1 and I can’t lose.

Friend: “What do you mean 'you can’t lose’?”

Bettor: “I can’t lose, the horse is starting at 20 to 1 and the race doesn’t start till 1.”

Deciding to give his wife a pleasant surprise, the husband took home some flowers and a box of candy. "Hazel, you look tired," he said to his wife. "Slip on your best outfit and lets go out to eat."

Hazel bursts into tears. "It was bad enough to have the baby fall down the back steps and burn my hand in the kitchen," she sobbed, "but to have you come home intoxicated is just too much!"