I've opened a restaurant called: "Peace And Quiet..."

Kids meals: Only $150.

A grocer put up a sign that read: "Eggplants, $0.25 each -- three for a dollar."

All day long, customers came in exclaiming: "Don't be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!"

Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, "Aren't you going to fix the mistake on your sign?"

"What mistake?" the grocer asked. "Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant."

Jane calls the doctor in a panic. "Doctor, doctor! My little Jimmy swallowed a dozen aspirin. What should I do?"

The doctor asked Jane, "Are you sure it was a dozen?"

The frantic mother says, "Absolutely! Doctor, I'm scared to death!"

The doctor tells the mother, "Calm down. Is little Jimmy crying?"

Jane says, "No."

"Is he sleeping?" asks the doctor.

"No," says Jimmy's mom.

The doctor goes on with routine questions, "Is his color funny?"

Again Jane says, "No."

"Did Jimmy throw up?" asks the methodical doctor.

"No," says the worried mom. "But I'm so scared. All that aspirin...shouldn't I do something?"

To which the doctor says, "Try giving him a headache."

How Buzz Aldrin introduces himself...

"Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin, second man on the moon... Neil before me!"