Me: *Tells joke to wife*

*Silence*

Me: *Repeats joke to wife*

Wife: “Oh no, I heard you.”

Therapist: "I think you have a phobia of marriage. Do you know what the symptoms are?"

Me: "Can't say I do."

Therapist: "That's one of them!"

I’m so tired of Millennials and their attitudes….

Always walking around like they rent the place.

Whoever lost their iPhone outside the bar...

Please stop ringing my new phone!