In the men's room at work, the Boss had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it -- "Think!"

The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read -- "Thoap!"

Descartes walked into a bar and ordered a beer.

“Want another?” asked the bartender.

“I think not,” Descartes replied. Then he disappeared.

Man: "Oh Guru! Why is it that when I open my eyes in bed at night, I see an aura light around my wife's head? What does it all mean spiritually?"

Guru: "She's checking your cellphone."

Sad news, my obese parrot died today.

Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.