What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder?

He got behind in his work.

What is the difference between dogs and marine biologists?

One wags a tail, and the other tags a whale.

I never got along well with my dad.

Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad."

I'd just say, "Yeah, when?"

The fact that there is a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot...

A lot about the anticipated traffic numbers.