Upon arrival at the Pearly Gates, you are allowed one wish for anyone you left behind, back on earth.

St. Peter explained this to a woman who had just recently arrived, and asked what her one wish would be.

"Well, I just wish my son would get married and be happy."

"Look lady, it's just one wish; make up your mind!"

Not a single person asked if I could run fast in my new shoes today...

Being an adult is stupid.

"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother.”

Well, she didn't put it quite like that. What she actually said was, “Dad, this is my new boyfriend, he supports the Washington Commanders."

What’s the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your devices and accesses all of your data.

The other is a hardware standard.