She was in the kitchen doing the boiled eggs for breakfast.

He walks in and she says, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

He says, "What's going on?"

She says, "The egg timer is broken."

SON: Can we go to a haunted house this year?

DAD: What's wrong with the one we live in?

SON: Huh?

DAD: Goodnight...

Rob Schneider says he would sacrifice his career in support of his political beliefs.

I don't know what his beliefs are, but frankly, that's not really much of a sacrifice.

Might wake up early and go running tomorrow.

I also might win the lottery.

Odds are about the same.