Cockroaches are found to be capable in surviving a nuclear holocaust, yet one swat with a newspaper and it would die.

Shows how toxic the media is.

I saw a woman in Walmart with March Madness teeth...

She was down to the Final Four.

A New York businessman buys a newspaper, glances at the front page, throws it away.

Next day, he does the same thing. This goes on for days.

Eventually, the newspaper guy asks, "Why do you do keep doing that?"

"Oh, I'm just checking for an obituary"

"But obituaries aren't even on the front page!"

"Oh, the one I'm looking for will be."

A Greek man walks into a Greek tailor shop holding a pair of old tattered jeans.

The blind old tailor squints at him, "Euripedes?"

The man nods and holds up the pants, "Eumenedes?"