A man was contesting his speeding ticket in front of the judge.

Judge: Sir, it says here that you were speeding 20 miles over the speed limit.

Man: Impossible, your Honor. There’s NO WAY I could have been going that fast!

Judge: Really! Why is that?

Man: Well, my wife was away visiting her parents and after a week of partying, I was on my way to pick her up. The house was a mess, I hadn’t done any dishes, the bed wasn’t made in a week and there were pizza boxes all over the house. Now let me ask you, your Honor, do you think I’d be speeding to go pick her up?

Judge: Case dismissed!

A man take his wife to the doctor for an annual checkup. When the doctor calls the woman in, she turns to her husband and says, “Let’s go Harold.”

The husband dutifully follows her into the doctor’s examination room. The doctor says, “Mrs. Sanders, I have been practicing medicine for 35 years and built a very honorable reputation. You can certainly trust me."

The wife replies, “Oh I trust you, doctor. It’s my husband I don’t trust with your pretty receptionist out there.”

A man who apologizes when he’s wrong is called: HONEST.

A man who apologizes when he’s not sure is called: WISE.

A man who apologizes when he’s wrong is called: HUSBAND.

A woman walks into a police precinct and reports that her husband is missing. When the Sargent asked her how long her husband’s been missing she says, “Since last winter.”

Astonished, the Sargent asked, “Why did you wait till spring to report him missing?”

The woman replies, “Because the landscaping company is asking too much money to mow the lawn.”