A lady staying in a hotel kept a pet parrot who she would often let out of the cage to fly around the room. One day, the lady was about to leave to do some errands, but had forgotten to check whether she had closed the parrot's cage door or not; because she was in a hurry and didn't have time to go back, she quickly wrote up a note, reading, "Please enter with care, Pet flies!" and taped it to the door.

By the end of the day, the cleaning lady went to meet with the hotel manager. "Have you cleaned all of the rooms?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied. "All except for the room of that one tenant with the pet flies."

Sherry is walking through the zoo when she notices Bill throwing $10 bills in the monkey cage.

Curious, she walks closer and asks, "Bill, what are you doing? Why are you giving the monkeys money?"

"The sign by the gate says it was okay," he replies.

Sherry looks at him quizzically, "It did?"

"Yes, it said, 'Do not feed. $10 fine.'"

Television repairman: "So, what seems to be the problem with your TV?"

Homeowner: "Well, it has double images. I hope the two of you can fix it."

Harold and Jack are about to rob a bank. Harold says, "All right, Jack, now here's what to do: go into that bank with this gun and this bag, hold the gun on the teller and tell her to put all of the money in the bag, then run back out before the cops show up. Meanwhile, I'll be out here in the car, taking all the chances."

Jack says, "Now wait just a minute, Harold, If I'm the one running in there with the gun and the bag, getting the money and running back out before the cops show up, how are you the one taking all the chances?"

Harold replies, "Because I can't drive."