Salesman: "Just give us a small deposit, ma'am, and you'll pay nothing for the next six months."

Woman: "I see you've heard of us."

Fred, a waiter who had worked in a small restaurant for 53 years, passed away one night. His wife, Lois was heartbroken without him; she spent several days contacting psychics, channelers, anyone who could help her contact Fred, but unfortunately met without success.

One day, Lois' nephew came for a visit. She explained the situation to him, upon which he suggested the possibility that Fred's ghost might be haunting the restaurant. Becoming hopeful again, Lois waited until the restaurant had closed for the night, went in the back door and sat at a table. "Fred?" she called into the darkness. "Fred darling, are you here?"

A small voice called back, "Yes, dear."

Lois happily exclaimed, "Oh Fred, I've missed you so much! But can you speak a bit louder, please? I'm afraid I'm having trouble hearing you."

Fred replied, "I'm sorry, I can't."

Lois said, "Then could you come a bit closer, please?"

"Oh, I'm afraid I can't," Fred replied. "That's not my table."

City boy, visiting his cousin's farm: "Say, why doesn't that cow have horns?"

Country cousin: "There are many reasons why a cow might not have horns. Some grow horns late in life, some have them removed, some might lose them in an accident, and then there are certain breeds who simply never grow horns. This cow doesn't have horns because it's a horse."

It was Dad's turn to read Little Johnny a bedtime story. After twenty minutes, Mom called up the stairs, "Is he asleep?"

Little Johnny called back, "Yes, finally."