Little Johnny: "Hey Mom, tomorrow there's a small PTA meeting at school."

Mom: "A small PTA meeting?"

Little Johnny: "Yeah, just you, me and the principal."

For his birthday, Little Johnny's parents gave him a bowl of goldfish. His mother carefully explains to him how much responsibility comes with owning a pet and tells him to make sure he remembers to give the fish the care they need every day.

Johnny is responsible with the fish for about one week, after which he begins forgetting to look after them, leaving his parents to feed the fish and clean the tank. After a couple of days, Johnny's mom and dad bring the issue up to him.

"Now Johnny," says his mother. "You have to be more responsible."

"Do you know how many times those fish would have died if we hadn't been there?" his father adds.

"Uhm, I don't know," Johnny replies. "Once?"

Optometrist: "Now remember, you'll need to wear your new glasses all the time, even at work."

Patient: "Oh, that might be kind of tricky, I'm a boxer."

The other day, I was watching a cooking show where they used leftover beer to make batter for chicken wings.

What surprised me most about this was the fact that anyone would have leftover beer!