Two daughters were having a discussion about family resemblance. "I look like Mom," said my nine-year-old, "but I have Dad's eyes and Dad's lips."

The six-year-old said, "And I look just like Dad, but I have light hair."

Then she turned to me. "Mom," she asked, "what does Dad have to do with us being born anyway?"

Her older sister jumped right in. "Don't be stupid, Christina. Dad is the one who drove Mom to the hospital."

A man sees a job advert published on a building site, "Handy man wanted; apply within." The man goes to speak to the foreman and applies.

Foreman: "Can you drive a forklift truck?"

Man: "No."

Foreman: "Can you plaster?"

Man: "No."

Foreman: "Can you brick lay?"

Man: "No."

Foreman: "If you don't mind me asking, what's handy about you?"

Man: "I only live five minutes down the road."

Six-year-old Ned's mother was looking through an old family Bible when an oak leaf fell out.

Ned said, "That must be Adam's."

When a man's dog died, he took it to the local Baptist church. He asked the preacher if he could have a funeral service for his much loved pet, but the preacher explained that they didn't do services like that for animals.

The man asked who would and the preacher suggested that the Methodist church up the road would probably give the dog a funeral service.

The man asked, "Preacher, do you think $5,000 would be enough payment for the dog's funeral?"

The preacher relied, "Dearest sir, why didn't you tell me that your dog was a Baptist?"