Son: “Mom, can I have $20?”

Mom: “Does it look like I am made of money?”

Son: “Well, isn't that what M-O-M stands for?”

A preacher stood up before his congregation and said, "I have so much to say, I don't know where to begin."

Someone in the pew shouted, "How about somewhere close to the end?"

A Baptist and a Mormon were talking one day about the subject of polygamy.

The Mormon said to the Baptist, “Show me one verse in the Bible that forbids polygamy."

The Baptist said, “No man can serve two masters.”

YOU MIGHT BE A PREACHER IF...

- You've dreamed you were preaching, only to awaken and discover you were.

- A church picnic is no picnic.

- You wish people would die at more appropriate times.

- Instead of getting "ticked off," you get "grieved in your spirit."

- You're tempted to take an offering at a family reunion.

- You've ever wanted to "lay hands" on a deacon's neck.

- Everybody stops talking when you enter the room.

- You sometimes stretch the truth at a funeral.

- You've suffered an anxiety attack while playing Bible Trivia Pursuit.

- The ideas you bounce off board members really do.

- You get your second wind when you say "And in conclusion..."