A man is walking through the forest when he discovers a gnome. “If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms. Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
A woman posts her profile on a dating app. Two days later, she gets a message back, saying, "I would love to meet you, but I need to tell you that I am eight feet tall, covered in long, mangy fur riddled with fleas, and have glowing yellow eyes, razor sharp claws and long, drooly fangs. If you are still interested in meeting me, I'll be sitting on a bench in Central Park at five o'clock this afternoon."
The woman replies, "I would love to meet you, but could you please wear a red rose and some French cologne so I can recognize you?"
Having too much sex can cause memory loss.
I read it on page 14 in a medical journal...
On the 14th of November...
2019...
At 3:19pm.
Him: "Your little brother just saw me kiss you. What can I give him to keep him from telling your parents?
Her: "He generally gets 5 dollars."