Gary the Cactus will never find true love.
Female Cactus: "Gary, you need to quit being selfish. We’re cact-us."
Gary the Cactus: "Actually we’re cact-i."
The pretty lady at the DMV recommended to me that I sign up to be an organ donor....
That's when I realized she was a girl after my own heart!
"I love you" is a mathematical function where, 'I love' is the constant and 'you' is the variable...
And marriage inverts the function, where "you" becomes the constant, "i love" becomes the variable.
“Do you know, why Andrews is so popular with the girls?”
“When he sits down beside a pretty girl in a bar, he tells her, 'I’m not really so tall, I’m just sitting on my wallet.'"