baby jokes

It has been finally realized that babies born on holidays are more than likely to be little girls...

The reason is because there is no mail delivery on holidays.

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Doctor, what's going on?" asked the concerned father-to-be.

"Don't worry," said the doctor, "those are just contractions."

Our Lamaze class included a tour of the pediatric wing of the hospital. When a new baby was brought into the nursery, all the women tried to guess its weight, but the guy standing next to me was the only male to venture a number.

"Looks like 9 pounds," he offered confidently.

"This must not be your first," I said.

"Oh, yes," he said, "it's my first."

"Then how would you know the weight of a baby?" I asked.

He shrugged, "I'm a fisherman."

A first-time father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant.

His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, then says, "What in the world are you doing?"

He replied, "I'm waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another."