baby jokes

The first-time father, beside himself with excitement over the birth of his son, was determined to do everything right.

"So, tell me, nurse," he asked as his new family headed out the hospital door, "what time should we wake the little guy in the morning?"

Every baby finds its first squeeze toy while still in the womb...

It is their mother's bladder, sending her to the bathroom twenty plus times a day and night.

Dad: "Say daddy!"
Baby: "Mommy!"

Dad: "Come on, say daddy!"
Baby: "Mommy!"

Dad: "Darn it, say daddy!"
Baby: "Darn it, Mommy!"

[Mom comes home and joins the conversation.]
Mom: "Honey, I'm home!"
Baby: "Darn it!"

Mom: "Who taught you that?"
Baby: "Daddy!"
Dad: ...

After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers.

"I'm busy," he said, "I'll do the next one."

The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled. "Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby."