baby jokes
Favorite this joke Young Husband (in the early morning): "It must be time to get up."
Wife: "Why do you say that?"
Husband: "Baby's fallen asleep."
5th Place
won
$10.00
MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).
GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff it into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.
FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill it halfway with water. Suspend from ceiling with stout cord. Get the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal.
"What is your brother's name?"
Little Jane: "I don't know yet. We can't understand a word he says."
7th Place
won
$8.00
"Mother, how much do people pay per pound for babies?"
"Babies are not sold by the pound, darling."
"Then why do they always weigh them as soon as they are born?"
10th Place
won
$5.00
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