I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years because I found out she was a communist...
I should have known, there were red flags everywhere.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I'm an atheist 11 months out of the year, but in December...