My uncle, known for his heavy foot, was stopped by high patrol for driving 88 miles per hour in a 60 miles per hour zone.
Uncle: "Officer, was I driving too fast."
Officer: "No, I'm not giving you a speeding ticket. I'm ticketing you for flying too low without a pilot's license."
A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky. An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket. "How did you know I was speeding?" the frustrated driver asked.
The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky.
"You mean," asked the motorist, "that even He is against me?"
Al: I got fired from my job as a bank guard.
Sam: What happened?
Al: A thief came into the bank. I drew the weapon and told him that if he took one more step, I’d let him have it.
Sam: What did he do then?
Al: He took one more step, so I let him have it. Who wanted that stupid old gun, anyway?
A woman was driving down the street and got stopped by a police officer.
"May I see your driver's license?" he said.
She looked at him with disgust.
"What's the matter with you guys? I wish you'd make up your minds. You took my license from me yesterday."