Two old guys, Fred and Sam went to the movies. A few minutes after it started, Fred heard Sam rustling around and he seemed to be searching on the floor under his seat.
“What are you doing?” asked Fred.
Sam, a little grumpy by this time, replied “I had a caramel in my mouth and it dropped out. I can’t find it.”
Fred told him to forget it because it would be too dirty by now. “But I’ve got to,” said Sam, “my teeth are in it!”
An elderly man was sitting on his porch rocking back and forth. He seemed to be having a long discussion with himself. Every once in a while he broke into loud laughter. At other times, he shouted “Phooey” in disgust.
A policeman passing by stopped to watch the man and asked him what was going on. “I’m telling myself jokes,” the old man told him. “And if I say so myself, most of them are funny.”
“Then why do you keep saying ‘phooey’?" the policeman asked.
“I only say that when I heard ‘em before.”
Looking for the appropriate book for a couple celebrating fifty years of marriage I went to the antique book store.
Asking the owner for a suggestion, he had a recommendation.
He recommended a copy of Parkman's "A Half Century of Conflict."
An old man went to his doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body. After a thorough examination, the doctor gave him a clean bill of health.
“You’re in excellent shape for a 75-year-old man,” he said. “But I’m afraid I can’t make you any younger.”
“Who asked you to make me younger?” the man replied. “You just make sure I keep getting older!”