To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her elderly grandfather got out. The patrolman explained that the old gentleman had been lost in the city park and had asked for help.
"Why, Grandfather," my friend said, "you've been going there for 40 years. How could you get lost?"
The old man smiled slyly. "Wasn't exactly lost," he admitted. "I just got tired of walking."
An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for.
The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, ''I was going to park there!''
The man was a real smart aleck and he said, ''That's what you can do when you're young and quick.”
Well this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and backed it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes.
The young man ran back to his car and asked, ''What did you do that for?''
The little old lady smiled and told him, ''That's what you can do when you're old and rich!''
A man is going from door to door. He stops at one house and knocks on the door. A man opens the door. The door-to-door salesman says, "Hello sir, today we're going door-to-door looking for those who might be interested in making a donation to the retirement home."
"Sure, that sounds great!" exclaims the man. "Grandma, grab your coat!"
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
09. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
10. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
11. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. You can't remember who sent you this list.