"Flight 1234," the control tower advised, "turn right 45 degrees for noise abatement."
"Roger," the pilot responded, "but we're at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir," the radar man replied, "have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes when it hits a 747?"
Halfway between New York City and Washington DC the train's engine fell silent.
"I've got good news and bad news," the conductor announced. "The bad news is that we lost power."
The passengers groaned.
"The good news," he added, "is we weren't cruising at 30,000 feet."
Boarding the aircraft for the first time, Judy settled into a window seat in the quietest part of the plane. A man came over and politely said, "Ma'am, you're in my seat."
"Go away and find another seat!" Judy replied.
He said, "Okay, fine, you fly the plane."
My first apartment was so close to the Airport...
That every time I went to the kitchen to make a brew and a sandwich, the stewardess told me to get back to my seat.