Tower: Cessna 2737 you are three miles from final, turn left 270 and expect the RNAV to Runway 27.
Pilot: Aye Aye, Captain!
Tower: Cessna 2737... read back and repeat all the instructions correctly.
[Nearly 30 seconds later...]
Tower: Uhh..., Cessna 2737 please repeat back all instructions immediately!!
Pilot: Okay, I am so sorry about that, my co-pilot was at the controls and radio. Turning left to 270, and expecting the RNAV for runway 27 for Cessna 2737.
Tower: Readback is correct, and by the way, your co-pilot could use some training!
Pilot: Yeah, I concur with you. The only problem is that you can only teach a parrot so much!!
Pilot: Pensacola Tower, Cessna 3798G is unfamiliar with the area, requests directions to the airport.
Tower: Cessna 3798G, Turn right to a heading of 360 for about 8 minutes, then left 270 for another 3 minutes, then to a heading of 170 and the airport will be 12 o’clock in 5 minutes, cleared to land runway 17.
Pilot: Pensacola Tower, Isn’t that the airport at 12 o’clock?
Tower: Yes! You can actually continue your current course and land on runway 26, airport is 12 o’clock, 8 miles!!
Pilot: Then why did you have me going the long way around the airport?
Tower: Because you asked for directions, not the quickest route.
Explaining luggage regulations to passengers can be aggravating for flight attendants. One day a woman tried to board with an enormous bag.
The lead flight attendant told her why it would not fit, but the woman argued that her bag was a carry-on because it had wheels and a handle.
Without blinking the attendant said, "My Ford has wheels and a handle, but that doesn't make it a carry-on."
On an airplane, I overheard a stewardess talking to an elderly couple in front of me. Learning that it was the couple's 50th wedding anniversary, the flight attendant congratulated them and asked how they had done it.
"It all felt like five minutes..." the gentleman said slowly.
The stewardess had just begun to remark on what a sweet statement that was when he finished his sentence with a word that earned him a sharp smack on the head: