The judge reviews the divorce case very carefully and issues his judgement. "Mr Smith, I am going to give your wife $750 a month."
Mr. Smith's replies, "That's very nice of you, judge. And every once in a while I will send her a little extra too."
"You admit having broken into the dress shop two times?" asked the judge.
"Yes," answered the suspect.
"And what did you steal?"
"A dress, your Honor," he replied.
"One dress?" echoed the judge. "But you admit breaking in twice!"
"Yes, your Honor," sighed the suspect. "I had to exchange it. My wife didn't like the color."
To the irritation of the judge, a man was trying to be excused from jury duty. "Tell me," began the judge, "is there any good reason why you cannot serve as a juror in the trial?"
The man replied, "I don't want to be away from my job that long."
"Can't they do without you at work?" demanded the judge.
"Yes," admitted the juror. "But I don't want them to realize it."
The judge asked the defendant to please stand. "You are charged with cutting down a tree without having permission to do so, using a chain saw."
From out in the gallery, a woman shouts, "Lying miser!"
"Silence in the court!" the Judge says. He turns to the defendant and says, "You are also charged with cutting a hedge in a protected area using an electric hedge trimmer."
"You tightwad!" the same woman in the gallery blurted out.
"I said QUIET!" yelled the judge. To the defendant, "You are also charged with using an electric drill outside your house during night hours."
"You good for nothing..." the woman from the gallery yelled.
The judge thundered at the woman: "If you don't tell me right now the reasons for your outbursts I'll hold you in contempt!"
The woman answered, "I've lived beside that man for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one!"