judge jokes

The defendant stood up in the dock and said to the judge, "I don't recognize this court!"

"Any why not?" asked the Judge, sternly.

"Because you've had it decorated since the last time I was here."

A man is arrested for stealing a can of peaches and is brought before the judge.

The judge asks, “How many peaches were in the can?”

The man replies, “Six, Your Honor.”

“In that case, you will go to jail for six days, one for each peach.”

Hearing that, his wife stands and says, “Your Honor, he also stole a can of peas.”

The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drinking. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs.

"Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go.

"I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man.

"And why not?"

"Because I'm the barman at your regular pub."