What do you hear when a Judge is learning to play the piano?
The Scales of Justice.
The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drinking. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs.
"Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go.
"I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man.
"And why not?"
"Because I'm the barman at your regular pub."
Judge: Silence in court! The next person who laughs again will be thrown out of court.
Accused: Hahahaha
Judge: I wasn't talking to you!
A kindhearted judge was commiserating with the wife. "Your husband really has a problem. Has he ever tried Alcoholics Anonymous?"
"I'm sure he has," she nodded sadly. "That man will drink anything."