Looking at a home in a new neighborhood the prospective buyer ask the man next door: "Besides yourself, how many knaves do you suppose live on this street?"
"Besides myself?" replied the other. "Do you mean to insult me?"
"Well then," said the first. "How many do you reckon including yourself?"
Two friends met after not seeing each other for a couple of months.
Bill: "Jack, you look like you not doing well?"
Jack (swiping the sweat off his brow): "I ain't been ill. It's the work doing me in. Working from seven in the morning till six at night. Only one hour for a break. Think of it. Very taxing on ones body."
Bill: "Wow, and how long has this been going on? How long you been working for that company?"
Jack: "Oh, I haven't been there yet. I begin tomorrow," he added gloomily.
A man walks into the grocery store and ask to speak to the manager about buying all the rotten eggs.
"What do you want with all the rotten eggs?" the manager asks. "Are you going to see the new comedian at the theater tonight?"
"Sh-sh-sh!" hissed the buyer nervously. "I am the new comedian."