bar & drinking jokes

Category: "Bar & Drinking Jokes"
$25.00 won 10 votes

An inebriated young actor staggered into a large hotel in Hollywood and looked into a large mirror in the lobby.

After a minute or so passed he said, in a loud voice, "Look, they've got a picture of me here, too!"

10 votes

Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "Benjones" |
$12.00 won 10 votes

The landlady of a rooming house that had seen better days was leading a prospective tenant to a third floor room with badly splattered wall paper.

Landlady: “The last man who lived in this room was an inventor---he invented some type of explosive."

Prospective tenant: “Then the spots on the wall was some type of explosive?”

Landlady: “No, the inventor.”

10 votes

Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "Egbert" |
5 votes

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and says, "Give me a martinus!"

The bartender says, "You mean a martini?"

Caesar replies, "No, I want one, not two."

5 votes

posted by "Retired Terp" |
$50.00 won 10 votes

A couple who work at the circus go to an adoption agency. Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. The couple produces photos of their 50 foot motor-home, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery. The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.

"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."

Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment. "Our nanny is an expert in pediatric welfare and diet."

The social workers are finally satisfied. They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"

"It doesn't really matter, as long as he or she fits in the cannon."

10 votes

Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "Egbert" |