bar & drinking jokes
Favorite this joke A man was staggering home drunk in the early hours of the morning when he was stopped by a police officer.
“What are you doing out at this time of night?” asked the officer.
“I’m going to a lecture,” said the drunk.
“And who’s going to be giving a lecture at this hour?”
“My wife.”
A snake slithered into a bar and asked the bartender for a drink. “I’m sorry,” said the bartender, “but I can’t serve you.”
“Why not?” asked the snake.
“Because you can’t hold your drink.”
The bartender asked a guy sitting at the bar, ”What'll you have?
The guy answered, ”A scotch, please.”
The bartender handed him the drink and said, ”That’ll be $5.”
The guy said, “What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this.”
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, said to the bartender, ”You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.
The bartender was understandably unhappy, but said to the guy, ”Okay, I'll let you off this time, but don't ever let me catch you in here again.”
The next day, the same guy walked into the bar. The bartender said: “What the hell are you doing in here? I thought I told you to steer clear of this joint. I can’t believe you’ve got the nerve to come back.”
The guy said innocently: “What are you talking about? I never been in this place in my life.”
Fearing that he made a mistake, the bartender backed down. “I’m very sorry,” he said, “but the likeness is uncanny. You must have a double.”
The guy replied: “Thanks. Make it a scotch.”
After sitting down, Jupiter says, "I'm the biggest planet, give me the biggest beer you have."
Saturn says, "I'm the best looking planet, give me the fanciest drink you have."
Pluto says, "I know I'm not a planet, but give me a shot!
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