A famous model is going on a vacation in Africa. She takes her little bag dog Foofie along with her because she never went anywhere without her. As the model goes off exploring, Foofie wanders away on her own and soon gets lost; the little dog becomes very scared, looking all around her for any familiar sights, upon which she suddenly sees a leopard ready to pounce!
Noticing a pile of bones nearby, Foofie strolls over and begins chewing on one of the bones. "Mmm, what a tasty leopard. I wonder if there's another one around." The leopard immediately turns pale and runs fearfully back into the jungle. A monkey, who had happened to see everything, climbs down from a branch and whispers in the leopard's ear; furious, the leopard begins storming back out with the monkey on his back.
Upon seeing the leopard returning, Foofie knows what must have happened and quickly begins looking all around. "Where is that monkey? I told him to bring me another leopard hours ago but he never came back."
A snake goes to the optometrist one day. "I've been having a bit of trouble with my eyesight lately," he says. "And it's been making it very difficult for me to chase and catch rats."
The optometrist then gives him an eye test and prescribes a pair of glasses; the snake then thanks the optometrist and leaves. A few months later, the snake comes back for a check up and the optometrist asks him how his new glasses have been.
"Oh, wonderful!" the snake replies happily. "I can see better than ever now and my rat catching prowess has more than doubled! However... now I'm depressed."
"Depressed?" the optometrist asks, perplexed. "Why?"
"Well, since I got them, I found out that I'd been in love with a garden hose all this time."
What did the dyslexic worm say to the voracious largemouth bass???
Sherry is walking through the zoo when she notices Bill throwing $10 bills in the monkey cage.
Curious, she walks closer and asks, "Bill, what are you doing? Why are you giving the monkeys money?"
"The sign by the gate says it was okay," he replies.
Sherry looks at him quizzically, "It did?"
"Yes, it said, 'Do not feed. $10 fine.'"