animal jokes

Category: "Animal Jokes"
2 votes

A chauffeur worked for a woman who took her cat with her on rides. During one trip, the driver dropped his client at a mall before he filled up the tank.

The cat remained in the car, laying down on top of the limousine's back seat. The service station's attendant glanced at the unusual passenger.

Finally, he asked, "Sir, is that cat someone important?"

2 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |
$15.00 won 6 votes

My dog had a bad case of fleas. So I brought him to the vet.

The doctor told me, “I’m going to have to put him down."

I said, “What? Just because he’s got fleas?”

“No,” the doctor said, “because he’s so heavy.”

6 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "D-Gellybean" |
$25.00 won 8 votes

Did you realize that Alligators can grow up to 20 feet?

But most grow 4.

8 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "barber7796" |
2 votes

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

Regards,
Your Owner

2 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "wadejagz" |