One day an ape escaped from the zoo. They searched for it everywhere. They announced his disappearance, but no one reported seeing the ape.
At last, he was discovered in the public library. Officials of the zoo as well as the animal handlers went there as soon as possible.
They found the ape sitting at a desk with two books spread out in front of him. It was reading with great concentration. One book was the Bible and the other written by Darwin.
The zoo keepers asked the ape what he was doing. The ape replied, "I'm trying to figure out whether I am my brother's keeper or whether I am my keeper's brother?"
Reporter: Sir, may we interview you regarding your black and white cows!
Farmer: Sure! Go ahead!
Reporter: What do they usually eat?
Farmer: Which one? The white or the black one?
Reporter: The white one.
Reporter: How about the black?
Farmer: Grass also!
Reporter: (wondering) And where do you bathe them?
Farmer: The white one or the black one?
Reporter: The black one! (upset)
Farmer: The river.
Reporter: And the white?
Farmer: The river too.
Reporter (angry): Why do you always ask for the color when you came up with the same answer?!
Farmer: Sorry, but you know why? The white cow is mine.
Reporter: And what about the black one?
Farmer: Mine too!
When a squirrel slipped into my house, I did the logical thing: I panicked and called my father.
"How do you get a squirrel out of a basement?" I shrieked.
Dad advised me to leave a trail of peanut butter and crackers from the basement to the outside. It worked—the squirrel ate his way out of the house. Unfortunately, he passed another squirrel eating his way in.
When our client’s dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment... an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. “Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find,” he told me.
At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day, and I felt compelled to explain things to the clerk.
“Believe it or not,” I said, “this is for a sick dog.”
As I was leaving, the next customer plunked down two bottles of muscatel and announced, “These are for my cats.”