A fellow had a buzzard for a pet and decided to take him to Hawaii on vacation. He realized it was a long flight and that he couldn't afford the exorbitant fees charged by air lines for extra luggage.
He wasn't prepared for Delta to deny boarding to his pet buzzard, Buford, though. Seems Buford had too much carrion baggage.
John: What did the bug say to the windshield when he crashed into it?
Fred: I don't know. what?
John: That's me all over you! And do you know what the windshield said to the bug?
Fred: I don't know.
John: Bet you don't have the guts to do that again! Okay, do you know what was the last thing that went through the bugs mind when he hit the windshield?
Fred: No, but I bet it's good.
John: His rear end.
I went to a National Park once and was very concerned about being attacked by a grizzly bear while hiking. I stopped at the Ranger Station and asked how to keep from being a victim of a bear attack.
He said to wear little bells around my ankles and keep pepper spray handy. He said they sold both there at the ranger station. The Ranger also told me the best way to tell if a bear was in the area was to look for fresh droppings.
He said if the droppings were small and round it was probably a black bear and an attack was unlikely. He said it was grizzly bear droppings if it had little bells in it and smelled like pepper spray.