animal jokes

I went to my local cafe today for lunch and apologized to the waitress for bringing my pet goat.

She said it's OK today but it won't be allowed in future.

She asked me what I would like for lunch, I said "steak with fries and the Kid Special."

My friend told me her dog died of a stroke.

I asked her how hard she stroked it.

She's not my friend anymore.

There was a terrible automobile accident. A family of four was killed and their pet chimpanzee was the only survivor.

The investigators were trying to figure out what happened when one of them had an idea. "I understand chimps are very intelligent. Some of them can use sign language. Let's try it. What was the mother doing?" he asked.

The chimp put up one hand for a mirror and with the other pretended to put on lipstick. "She was putting on lipstick!" he exclaimed.

Pleased that they were communicating, he continued the questioning. "What were the kids doing?" The chimp put up his fists and punched the air. "They were fighting!" The chimp nodded.

"What was the father doing?" The chimp tipped back his head and raised his hand as if drinking from a bottle. "Drinking! The father was drinking!"

"And what were you doing?" he asked the chimp. With intense concentration the chimp peered straight ahead and grabbed the imaginary steering wheel.