animal jokes

Category: "Animal Jokes"
0 votes

My friend told me her dog died of a stroke.

I asked her how hard she stroked it.

She's not my friend anymore.

0 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "jamyspex" |
2 votes

There was a terrible automobile accident. A family of four was killed and their pet chimpanzee was the only survivor.

The investigators were trying to figure out what happened when one of them had an idea. "I understand chimps are very intelligent. Some of them can use sign language. Let's try it. What was the mother doing?" he asked.

The chimp put up one hand for a mirror and with the other pretended to put on lipstick. "She was putting on lipstick!" he exclaimed.

Pleased that they were communicating, he continued the questioning. "What were the kids doing?" The chimp put up his fists and punched the air. "They were fighting!" The chimp nodded.

"What was the father doing?" The chimp tipped back his head and raised his hand as if drinking from a bottle. "Drinking! The father was drinking!"

"And what were you doing?" he asked the chimp. With intense concentration the chimp peered straight ahead and grabbed the imaginary steering wheel.

2 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "Rita " |
$5.00 won 3 votes

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. So, Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches.

The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away. So it takes the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone's super tired. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and says, "Alright, Steve, gimme the bottle opener."

"I didn't bring the bottle opener", Steve says. "I thought you packed it."

Joe gets worried. He turns to Poncho, "Poncho, do you have the bottle opener?"

Naturally, Poncho doesn't have it, so the turtles are stuck ten miles away from home without soda.

Joe and Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back. Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food.

So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steadily. Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise.

Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, Steve starts getting restless.

"I NEED FOOD!" he says with a hint of panic in his voice.

"NO!" Joe retorts. "We promised."

Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Poncho probably skipped out to the Burger King down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, pulling out a sandwich, and open their mouths about to eat. But then, right at that instant, Poncho pops out behind a rock, and says, "Just for that, I'm not going!"

3 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "Sallie Shapiro" |
1 votes

To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.

If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining.

But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.

If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.

If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.

Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.



1 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |