A man owned a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Work Force Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years.. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the Rancher.
A long time ago, a father, visiting America for the very first time, went up and down the aisles with his son-in-law at the local store.
He constantly asked questions about products he saw, "Vas diss? Powdered orange juice?"
"Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh orange juice."
A few minutes later, in a different aisle, "Und vas dis? Powdered milk?"
"Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!"
A few minutes later, in a different aisle, "Und give a look here! Baby Powder! Vat a country, vat a country!"
A yellow Labrador walks into a job referral agency and asks if they have any openings for him. After the receptionist picks herself up off the floor, she asks the dog to come back in an hour. The dog agrees and walks out. As soon as the dog leaves she calls the circus and asks if they can use a talking dog.
"Of course," says the owner, "send him down."
An hour later, the dog walks back into the agency and the receptionist yells that she has a job for the dog in the circus.
To which the dog replies, "What does the circus want with a carpenter?"
A young man, while bringing flowers to a cemetery, noticed an old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice on a nearby grave.
The young man walked up to the Chinese man and asked, "When do you expect your friend to come up and eat the rice?"
The old Chinese man replied with a smile, "Same time your friend comes up to smell the flowers."