A burglar, needing money to pay his income taxes, decided to rob the safe in a store.
On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading: "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob."
He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging.
As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning: "My confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken."
In the aftermath of a recent hurricane a neighbor reported a man trying to break open an ATM in his back yard resulting in his arrest.
Judge: What do you have to say for yourself sir?
Defendant: The hurricane dropped the ATM in my back yard. The only reason I was trying to open it was to locate a serial number so I could find the owner?
Judge: What about the other five ATM’s the police found in your garage?
Defendant: Well, your honor, it’s been a bad hurricane season this year.