A bank robber pulls out a gun, points it at the teller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're geography!"
The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'"
The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"
A thief was arrested for breaking into a Toys "R" Us store and stealing a board game...
He got Life.
The more you weigh, the harder it is to kidnap you.
Stay safe. Eat more cake.
(Dumb Criminal) Never pick the pocket of a guy wearing a wedding ring!
(Trainee) Why, because he’s a family man and needs the money?
(Dumb Criminal) No, because his wife already beat you to it.