Judge to the thief: “Since there is no witness to your stealing, I am releasing you. Otherwise you would have got at least 6 months.”
Thief: "Your honor, kindly punish me for at least a week in jail. I have to collect money from a few inmates who borrowed money from me last time."
A Judge sentences the same repeat offender to prison for life this time, because of a white collar crime that he was found guilty of by a jury. The man is greeted by the same Corrections Officer that he first met twenty years ago.
Guard: "Well, look who's back again! You just can't stay out of trouble, now can you?"
Inmate: "You need to be more appreciative and thankful for my return."
Guard: "Really now! And why is that?"
Inmate: "Because without people like me in this world, you'd be out of a job!"
I was recently out for an evening with friends and had more than several beers, followed by a couple of bottles of red wine and then a few vodka shots. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was just slightly over the limit.
That's when I did something I've never done before: I took a taxi.
On the way home, there was a police roadblock. But since it was a taxi, they waved it past, and I arrived safely home without incident. This was a real surprise to me.
Well, because I had never driven a taxi before.