dumb criminals jokes

What did one bank robber say to her partner when she managed to get them caught?

"Who ever said that crime doesn't pay must have worked with you!"

In the aftermath of a recent hurricane a neighbor reported a man trying to break open an ATM in his back yard resulting in his arrest.

Judge: What do you have to say for yourself sir?

Defendant: The hurricane dropped the ATM in my back yard. The only reason I was trying to open it was to locate a serial number so I could find the owner?

Judge: What about the other five ATM’s the police found in your garage?

Defendant: Well, your honor, it’s been a bad hurricane season this year.

SHERIFF: Miss Morgendorfer, I thought I told you that I didn't want to see your face in my station again?

MISS MORGENDOFER: Well, that's what I told the officer who arrested me, but she didn't want to listen, so here I am.

Two hitmen are walking together deep into a scary woodland.

The first hitman says, “I don’t mind admitting I feel a little afraid!”

The second hitman replies,” How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!”