After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client.
"Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you."
"Fair to both?!?" exploded Mrs. LaMay. "I could have done that myself! What's the point of hiring a lawyer for then?"
Two men crash into each other at an intersection. The first man steps out of his wrecked car screaming, "You rotten driver, you wrecked my Mercedes! I'm a lawyer, and I'm going to sue you for everything you have!"
The other man responds, "You lawyers only care about money, you don't even realize you just lost an arm!"
The lawyer looks down where his arm should be and yells, "Where's my Rolex!"
The DA stared at the jury, unable to believe the "not guilty" verdict he'd just heard. Bitterly, he asked, "What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?"
The foreman answered, "Insanity."
The attorney responded, still incredulous, "I could understand that. But, all twelve of you?"