A man is stranded on a desert island. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”
“Ten years,” he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, “Man, oh man! Is that good!”
Then she asked, “How long has it been since you’ve had a drink of whiskey?”
He replies, “Ten years!”
She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.
He takes a long swig and says, “Wow, that’s fantastic!”
Then, with a mischievous and flirty smile, she says to him, “And how long has it been since you’ve had some real fun?”
The man replies, “Wow! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in there!”
A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action.
A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year."
His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl, but I'll take it!"
Speedy Morris was the basketball coach at LaSalle and they were having a pretty good season. One morning he was shaving and the phone rang. His wife answered it and called out to him that Sports Illustrated wanted to talk to him. Coach Morris was excited that his team was apparently about to receive national recognition in this famous sports magazine. As a matter of fact, he was so excited that he cut himself with his razor. Covered with blood and shaving lather and running downstairs to the phone, he tripped and fell down the stairs. Finally, bleeding and bruised, he crawled to the phone and breathlessly said, "Hello?"
The voice on the other end asked, "Is your name Speedy Morris?"
"Yes," he replied.
Then the voice continued, "Mr. Morris, for just seventy-five cents an issue, we can give you a one-year subscription to Sports Illustrated."
Gerald and Harold were twins that were inseparable, share and share alike and exact duplicates in everything. As they grew older they had the same hobbies, including fishing. However, when fishing Gerald never seemed to catch fish and Harold always had "fishermen's luck".
One night Gerald stole out of the house with his brother's rod and reel. He went to the exact spot where Harold had caught a dozen trout that afternoon. He fished and fished with not even a nibble.
Just as he was packing to leave a trout leaped out of the water in a perfect arch and cried out solicitously, "Your brother isn't ill I hope?"