The Sunday school teacher asked her preschool class, "How many of you would like to go to Heaven?"
All the children raised their hands except Tommy. The teacher asked Tommy why he wouldn't like to go to Heaven.
Tommy answered, "I'm sorry, but I can't. My mother told me to come right home after Sunday school."
Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall, the hardware store, and the church. The town hall brought in some cats. But after they tore up all the files, the mayor got rid of the predators, and soon the squirrels were back.
The hardware store humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside town. But three days later, the squirrels climbed back in.
Only the church came up with an effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and made them members. Now they see them only on Christmas and Easter.