The little church in the suburbs suddenly stopped buying from its regular office supply dealer. So, the dealer telephoned Deacon Brown to ask why.
"I'll tell you why," began Deacon Brown. "Our church ordered some pencils from you to be used in the pews for visitors to register."
"Didn't you receive them yet?"
"Oh, we received them all right," replied Deacon Brown. "However, you sent us some golf pencils... each stamped with the words, `Play Golf Next Sunday.'"
A farmhand went to church one Sunday, but when he entered he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the farmhand if he wanted to go ahead and preach.
”Well,” said the farmhand, “I’m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I’d still feed him.”
So the minister began his sermon. An hour passed, then two hours, then two and a half hours. Finally the preacher finished and asked the farmhand whether he had enjoyed the sermon.
“Well,” said the farmhand, “I’m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn’t feed him all the hay.”
Because of a shortage of maids, the minister's wife advertised for a manservant. The next morning a nicely dressed young man came to the front door. "Can you start the breakfast by seven o'clock?" asked the minister.
"I guess so," answered the man.
"Can you polish all the silver, wash all the dishes, do the laundry, take care of the lawn, wash windows, iron clothes and keep the house neat and tidy?"
"Say, preacher," said the young fellow rather meekly, "I came here to see about getting married but if it's going to be as much work as all that, you can count me out right now."
As the pastor gave his pretty lengthy sermon, he noticed one of his parishioners dozing off.
After church and as they were leaving, the pastor jokingly asked the dozer if he got a good rest during his sermon.
The parishioner quickly responded, “Not really, someone kept talking all the way through it.”