As the pastor gave his pretty lengthy sermon, he noticed one of his parishioners dozing off.
After church and as they were leaving, the pastor jokingly asked the dozer if he got a good rest during his sermon.
The parishioner quickly responded, “Not really, someone kept talking all the way through it.”
A terminally ill man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. ”Give it to me straight, doc, ” he said. ”How long have I got?”
The physician replied that he doubted whether the man would survive the night.
So the man said, ”Fetch me my lawyer.”
When the lawyer arrived, the man asked the physician to stand on one side of the bed while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then closed his eyes. After a few minutes, the physician asked him what he was thinking about.
The man replied, ”Jesus died with a thief on either side. I thought I check out the same way.”
The Priest was shaking hands after his sermon, My grandma said, "Reverend that was the longest sermon I've ever listened to, it was boring as well."
The Priest was surprised and I wanted to mend fences so I told him, "Father, pay no attention to her, she only repeats what she hears other people saying."