food jokes

After finishing the 'cured ham' dinner, Mable asked her husband, "I wonder what the ham was cured of?"

My parents decided to order two pizzas for dinner, planning to use a 50% off coupon for each pizza.

When the bill came, my father handed both coupons to the waitress. She thought for a minute, and held up the coupons side by side.

“Well,” she said, “50 + 50 is 100, so it looks like your pizzas are free!”

Me: "I'll have the french dip."

Waitress: "French Fries?"

Me: "No, I'll Have the FRENCH DIP."

Waitress: (nods) "French Fries?"

Me: "No, I want the french dip. It's a beef sandwich that come with au jous sauce that you can dip it in."

Waitress: "Yes, I know what a french dip is. But would you like french fries with that?"

Me: "Oh. Yes, thank you."

Finally old enough to date, I awkwardly take my first girlfriend to a fancy restaurant where they don't have cheeseburgers or pizza on the menu.

Waitress: Soup or Salad?

Me: Sure, super salad sounds good!

Waitress: Sir, soup or salad?

Me: Yep, super salad sounds good.

Waitress, slightly annoyed: Would you like the soup.... or... the salad?

Me, embarrassed and red: I'll have the salad.