Our neighbors gave us a pumpkin pie as a holiday gift. As lovely as the gesture was, it was clear from the first bite that the pie tasted bad. It was so inedible that we had to throw it away.
Ever gracious and tactful, my wife sent the neighbors a note. It read: "Thank you very much for the pumpkin pie. Something like that doesn't last very long in our house."
A customer at a restaurant summoned the waiter and said angrily, “Look at the size of this piece of beef. Last evening, I received a piece more than twice its size!”
“Where did you sit?” asked the waiter.
“By the window. Why does that matter?”
“Well, that explains it. We always serve larger portions to customers sitting by the window. It’s good advertising.”
A man walked into a restaurant in a strange town. The waiter came and asked him for his order. Feeling lonely, he replied, "Meat loaf and a kind word."
When the waiter returned with the meat loaf, the man said, "Where's the kind word?"
The waiter put down the meat loaf and sighed, bent down, and whispered, "Don't eat the meat loaf."