Upon getting his own apartment, my brother-in-law received a hand mixer from his mother because of his fondness for mashed potatoes. Later, she asked him how the mixer was working for him. "Not very good," Terry said, "the potatoes keep flying all over the kitchen."
After a perplexed pause, his mother asked, "Terry, did you cook the potatoes first?"
To which a surprised Terry responded, "You have to cook the potatoes first?"
What’s the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages?
They both fear the wurst.
Mr. Jones: My new loaded SUV isn’t worth a hill of beans.
Mr. Smith: What are you talking about?
Mr. Jones: Food prices.
Last week at the grocery store, I saw a man slipping celery into other people's shopping carts...
I believe he was a stalker.