Customer: Waiter, I’ll have grits, please.
Waiter: Hominy, sir?
Customer: Oh, a couple of dozen.
What did the cashew say to the peanuts at church?
"Can I get an ALMOND?!"
A State Police Officer once received a call from a woman who asked him how to baste a turkey. After a stunned moment, he, being a fairly good cook, described the procedure.
Then he asked, "But why would you call the State Police to find out how to baste a turkey?"
There was only a slight hesitation before she replied, "Well, you knew, didn't you?" and hung up.
The Devil whispered in my ear, “You’re not strong enough to withstand the storm.”
I whispered in the Devil’s ear, “I like your eggs.”