Alcohol and calculus don't mix...

Don't drink and derive!

Why do the police never work at Antarctica?

Because they all freeze over there.

A boy read a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free French fries.

“Sounds great,” said the health-conscious boy. He ordered some.

He watched as the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container.

“Wait a minute,” the boy said. “Those don’t look fat-free.”

“Sure they are,” the cook said. “We charge only for the potatoes. The fat is free!”

My math teacher asked me why I was doing my math homework on the floor.

I said: “You told us to do them without using tables.”