One of our projects at military leadership school called for us to speak in front of the class on a topic picked by our instructor.
A classmate gave an impassioned speech on the benefits of drinking liquor. Alcohol, he insisted, warded off colds, kept you alert, and even made you steadier on your feet.
"Good job," said our instructor when he finished. "Only one thing: Your topic was the benefits of drinking liquids, not liquor."
When our son Jimmy went to Navy boot camp, we waited impatiently for word from him.
Finally we received a post card telling us he was doing well and we shouldn't worry. It went on to say that he was being kept busy acclimating to a military lifestyle and that he would send a detailed letter in a couple of weeks.
After reading his card a second time, however, we noticed that Jimmy had faintly underlined letters throughout the note.
When the letters were combined, his hidden message read, "Help me!"
After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks.
"All right, maggots, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor. "If you could have ten minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?"
Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row, "My recruiter!"
A Navy officer was cutting through the crew's quarters of his ship one day and happened upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on the small table in front of him.
"Sailor! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?" the officer demanded.
"No, sir, but we don't land airplanes on the roof either."