A young Navy officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the military and eventually became an Admiral.
However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.
One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff.
The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" The Master Chief answered, "Why yes. I couldn't help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."
The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.
The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, you seem to be short one ear." The Admiral threw him out also.
The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, a combat veteran and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question. "Do you notice anything different about me?"
To his surprise the Sergeant Major said, "Yes, you wear contact lenses."
The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how do you know that?" the Admiral asked.
The Sergeant Major replied, "Well sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one ear."
Alex had a terrible day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the fishmonger and ordered four rainbow trout. He told the fishmonger, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"
"Why do you want me to throw them at you?'" Asked the salesman. "So that I am able to tell my wife, in all honesty, that I caught them." said Alex.
"Okay, but I suggest that you take the salmon."
"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take salmon. That's what she'd like for supper tonight." replied the fishmonger with a grin.
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.
"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope, I shut him up in no time" said the Marine.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine" explained.
"I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
A private just out of training is assigned to guard the main gate.
He is ordered to allow no one through unless they have the password.
A vehicle with a 3-star general inside rolls up. The private stops the vehicle and asks the driver for the password.
The driver doesn't know the password. The private, after saluting the general, asks him the for the password. The general doesn't know it either.
The private says, “I can’t let you through without the password.”
The general replies, “Son I'm the commander of this base and a 3-star general!”
The private says, “Sir, I still can’t let you pass."
The general tells the driver to drive on through.
The private then says to the general, “Sir I'm real new to this. Do I shoot you or the driver?”