military jokes

(Grandchild) Were you in the war Grandpa?

(Grandpa) Yes, I was a fighter pilot!

(Child's mother) "Weren’t you stationed in Colorado dad?”

(Grandpa) Yes, and I’ll have you know that not one enemy aircraft got past Nevada!

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to airman's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, “If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.”

“Now,” he concluded, “which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?”

A Marine private was filling out a questionnaire for a correspondence course.

He got to this question: "How long has your present employer been in business?"

He thought for a moment, then wrote: "Since 1775."

During war games between two Army bases, a Sergeant had enough of a Private that didn't seem to know which end of his rifle to point at the enemy. Instead the Sergeant gave the bumbling soldier a broom handle. "Point this at your target and yell 'Bang! Bang!' since you're too dumb to use the real thing!" yelled the Sergeant. So during the game "capture the flag", the dumb Private ran across the battlefield yelling "Bang! Bang!" Sure enough, the enemy soldiers fell when he aimed at them. "This is GREAT!!" and the Private started yelling over and over "BANG! BANG!".

Soon he came across a rather huge, tall, and fairly muscular enemy soldier heading right for him. "BANG! BANG!" he yelled. Nothing happened. "BANG! BANG BANG!" Still the enemy soldier approached and was picking up speed. The Private yelled over and over "BANG! BANG!" until the enemy soldier hit him, knocking the Private off his feet onto the ground and walked over him....

And was yelling "TANK! TANK! TANK!"