While in international waters, a commercial fishing boat was taking on water. The Captain got on the radio, “May Day, May Day!”

In a few moments he heard a crackling response on his radio from another fishing boat, “June Day, June Day.” Then yet another fishing boat responded, “July Day, July Day.”

The First Mate said, “Captain, what do all these responses mean in international code?"

The Captain replied, “It means man the life boats.”

A scientist studying cat behavior was up for review seeking additional funding.

Board member: “If you can tell us how many cats it takes to turn on a light bulb we’ll extend your grant.

Scientist: “We’re getting close to finding out.”

Board member: “What have you found out pertaining to my question?”

Scientist: “So far we know it only takes one cat to turn a light off.”

Board member: “When a cat turns off a light is it intentional or incidental?”

Scientist: “We believe it’s intentional because they’re too agile to tip over your lamp by accident.”

Teacher: “What’s your favorite wonder of the world?”

Little Johnny: “The Pyramid of Pizza.”

Teacher: “You mean the Pyramids of Giza, right?”

Little Johnny: “Nope, I mean the pyramid shaped building downtown that sells pizza.”

Little Johnny: ”That isn’t a wonder of the world Johnny.”

Little Johnny: “Apparently you haven’t tried their pizza yet.”

What is the one thing joke writers learn first?

Proper grammar is a buzz kill.