Marty Profile

Image
 

Marty

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2015
# of jokes posted : 349
# of followers : 15
# of following: 12
eligible jokes to win : 4
Location: United States
won: $ 255.00
$7.00 won 1 votes

Granddaughter: It’s March 14th grandpa, national “pi” day.
Grandpa: I love pie!

Granddaughter: Not that kind of pie grandpa, I’m talking about a formula!
Grandpa: Back in my day we called it a recipe!

Granddaughter: Graaaand Paaaa, not that, it’s a mathematical formula, you know an equation.
Grandpa: That’s the problem these days, everyone makes things so complicated. In my day we used things like cups, teaspoons and tablespoons. We didn’t need math if we wanted to bake a pie.

Granddaughter: Oh, I see your point! So what would you like, apple or cherry pie?
Grandpa: Finally, a young person who actually understand things.

1 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 8th Place won $7.00
posted by "Marty" |
$8.00 won 4 votes

Q. What did it mean when the vampire saw himself in the mirror?
A. It meant he died.

Q. So how did the vampire die?
A. He accidentally ordered “stake” and eggs at the silver bullet cafe.

Q. So where do vampires go when they die?
A. Actually they reincarnate and go to work for the government.

4 votes

Joke Won 7th Place won $8.00
posted by "Marty" |
$6.00 won 2 votes

My doctor told me I need to get more cardio exercise and my wife agreed with him. I said, "What about love making, does that count?"

My wife said, "Yes, but I think you're going to need more than three minutes a day."

2 votes

CATEGORY Doctor Jokes
Joke Won 9th Place won $6.00
posted by "Marty" |
$5.00 won 4 votes

(Grandpa) "Honey did you know that kids these days don't put their tooth under the pillow for the tooth fairy? What they do is take a digital image and upload it to the toothfairy website they then get paid in bit coins."

(Grandma) "Dear, you've been talking to your grandson again and he's pulling your leg."

(Grandpa) "Billy, why would you make up a story about the tooth fairy?"

(Grandson) "Let me get this straight... you make up a story about a fictitious character, you then tell it to my parents who perpetuate the hoax. I decided to elaborate on it and you're calling me out!"

4 votes

CATEGORY Elderly Jokes
Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "Marty" |