golf jokes

Robinson Crusoe, the shipwrecked golfer, made the best of his tiny island. When a cruise liner spotted his distress signals and sent a boat to investigate, the landing party was amazed to find a crude but recognizable nine-hole course which the castaway had played with driftwood woods, whalebone and coral putter and balls carved out of pumice stone.

"Quite a layout," said the officer in charge of the rescuers.

"You're too kind, it's very rough and ready," the goatskin-clad golfer responded. Then he smiled slyly, "I am however, quite proud of the water hazard."

Tiger Woods walks into the Masters lobby and asks for a room. The clerk responds, "I am sorry sir we are booked, but there is a hotel about a 4 iron down the road."

Tiger says, "But I'm playing in the Master's tomorrow."

The clerk replies again that they are booked, but there is a hotel about a 4 iron down the road.

To this Tiger says, "But I am Tiger Woods!"

The clerk then says, "Oh! For you it's just a 9 iron then."

What is the difference between golf and politics?

In golf, you can’t improve your lie.

I woke up in the hospital emergency ward. The intern came over and asked me if I knew what happen to bring me to the hospital. I explained, "Well, I was playing golf with my wife. I had been having a great game but unfortunately she was not.

On the 15th tee I hit a beautiful shot, 270 yards straight down the fairway. My wife steps up and hits a tremendous slice that leaves the course and lands in the pasture out of bounds.

We both went looking for the ball. Just as we were about to give up I spotted a glint of white coming from a cow's behind, just under its tail. I lifted the tail to make sure. Then I called to my wife saying, “Here, honey, this looks like yours.”

“That was the last thing I remember.”