A scratch golfer hits his ball three hundred yards straight down the fairway, and it hits a sprinkler and careens off into the woods. He finds the ball, but trees surround it. He is pissed, says what the hell, grabs his nine-iron, and hits the ball as hard as he can. It bounces off a tree back at the golfer’s head and kills him.
He arrives in heaven, and God himself is at the Pearly Gates to greet him. Looking up his records, God sees that the guy golf’s and says, “Are you any good?”
The golfer looks at God and says, “I got here in two, didn’t I?”
As a way to compensate for their absence, a group of golfing buddies decided to all pitch in twenty bucks and one with the best golf score would take their wife dancing and dinner. The wives liked this idea since it was more than they had before.
Fred's wife was especially wanting him to win and the moment he returned after golfing she excitedly asked, "Are we having a special dinner tonight Fred?"
"Yes we are my dear, how does Peking Duck sound?"
She said, "That sounds great."
Fred replied, "Good, while driving over the pond on the 7th hole, I accidentally hit one. All we need now is the recipe."