golf jokes
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Joe decides to take his boss Phil to play nine holes of golf. Both men are playing excellently but were often held up by two women in front of them, moving at a very slow pace.
Joe offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. He gets about 3/4ths of the way, stops and jogs back. His boss asks what the problem is.
Joe said, “Well, one of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress.”
Phil just shook his head at Joe and started toward the women. He was determined to finish his round of golf. He was prepared to ask the ladies to hurry their game. He too stopped short and turned around.
Joe asked, "What's wrong?"
“It's a small, small world Joe, and you're fired."
5th Place
won
$10.00
A man on a business trip to Florida decided to play golf on Saturday. Half way through the first 9 he knocked a ball off the course. After retrieving it he noticed the four guys playing behind him were looking at him the same time three of them were giving the fourth one five bucks each.
“Were you guys betting on me?" asked the Out-of-Towner.
The guy with cash in hand said, “Let me put it this way, when locals hit one in the rough we leave it there.”
What’s the definition of a real golfer?
The only guy who will ruin a $100 pair of shoes to retrieve a 50 cent ball.
8th Place
won
$7.00
If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents luck.
Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.
Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
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