golf jokes

A lady was taking her first golf lesson. She asked the instructor, "Is the word spelled p-u-t or p-u-t-t?"

"P-u-t-t is correct," he replied. "P-u-t means to place something where you want it. P-u-t-t means, merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."

During her physical examination, a doctor asked a retired woman about her physical activity level. The woman said she spent 3 days a week, every week, in the outdoors.

"Well, yesterday afternoon was typical; I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through 2 miles of brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I barely avoided stepping on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I went to the bathroom behind some big trees. I ran away from an irate mother bear and then ran away from one angry bull elk. The mental stress of it all left me shattered, so I drank a scotch and three glasses of wine."

Amazed by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one heck of an outdoor woman!"

"No," the woman replied, "I'm just a really bad golfer!"

A golfer was enduring the most miserable round. Every shot he tried seemed to end in disaster. He and his caddie had trailed in and out of woodland, deep rough, a lake and countless sand traps. On the seventeenth hole he was left with a shot of 180 yards to the green.

“Do you think I can get there with a five-iron?” he asked his caddie.

The caddie sighed, “Eventually.”