+ It's a good thing you came in today. It's the last one we have.

+ You made it yourself? I would have never guessed.

+ Go ahead and tell me, I won't tell another soul.

+ It's delicious but I can't eat another bite.

+ The doctor will call you right back.

+ You don't look a day over 50.

+ Your baby is just beautiful.

+ Put the map away. I know where we're at.

+ Having a great time. Wish you were here!

1. Salmonella won't be a concern.
2. Everyone will think your turkey is Cajun blackened.
3. Uninvited guests will think twice next year.
4. Your cheese broccoli lima bean casserole will gain newfound appreciation.
5. Pets won't bother to pester you for scraps.
6. No one will overeat.
7. The smoke alarm was due for a test.
8. Carving the bird will provide a good cardiovascular workout.
9. You'll get to the desserts even quicker.
10. After dinner, the guys can take the bird to the yard and play football.
11. Less turkey Uncle You-Know-Who eats, the less likely he will be to walk around with his pants unbuttoned.
12. You won't have to face three weeks of turkey sandwiches.

My wife and I are inseparable.

In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.

After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my recruiter what I could expect from jump training.

"Well," he said, "it's three weeks long."

"What else?" I asked.

"The first week they separate the men from the boys," he said. "The second week, they separate the men from the fools."

"And the third week?" I asked.

"The third week, the fools jump."