Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week. His wife answered the door, and said "He can work for you, but it will cost you $500."

"That much?" asked the man.

"But you're getting my husband and his otter," said the wife. "They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."

"But I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350," the man countered.

"Sorry," she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."

- You're running out of clean clothes and the robe saves on laundry.

- The church is usually crowded and you want to make sure you always have a seat.

- You've just been selected for jury duty and you want to get use to sitting with a large group of people.

- The collection plate is never passed to the choir.

- There's a clock in the back of the church and you want to know when one hour has passed.

- For years you have wanted to know who sits in the back of the church but were afraid to turn around and look.

- You've been known to nod off during the service and don't want the minister/priest to catch you.

- The chairs for the choir are padded and are the most comfortable chairs in the church.

The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage about 20 minutes during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.

After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!"

"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist, "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."

A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.

"Well, of course," said her companion, "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."

DORMITORY
When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM

THE MORSE CODE
When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES
When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY
When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY

MOTHER-IN-LAW
When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS
When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE ZS

A DECIMAL POINT
When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO
When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE