merk Profile

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merk

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2015
# of jokes posted : 269
# of followers : 3
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 2
Location: United States
won: $ 162.00
$6.00 won 3 votes

A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes.

"Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."

The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press and Wall Street responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize."

This he did, and the company quickly rebounded. After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, "Prepare three envelopes.".

3 votes

CATEGORY Business Jokes
Joke Won 9th Place won $6.00
posted by "merk" |
$7.00 won 4 votes

A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.

There was a big sign posted... "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."

The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I had a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."

4 votes

CATEGORY Money Jokes
Joke Won 8th Place won $7.00
posted by "merk" |
$25.00 won 5 votes

My husband has always had a beard. One day, he decided to shave it off. He came into the room where my 5-year-old daughter Samantha was and asked her, "Notice anything different?"

To which she replied, "No," with a puzzled look on her face.

My husband then said to her, "My beard's gone."

Now the puzzled look disappeared and the innocent eyes appeared when she said, "I didn't take it!"

5 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "merk" |
$10.00 won 3 votes

You Know You're A Mom When...

1. You automatically double-knot everything you tie.

2. You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school.

3. You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.

4. You get so into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.

5. You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak.

3 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "merk" |