The manager of a touring theatrical company emailed the owner of the theater in a small town where his company was due to appear.
"Would like to hold rehearsal next Monday afternoon at three. Have your stage manager, carpenter, property man, electrician, and all stage hands present at that hour."
A few seconds later he received the following reply: "All right. He'll be there."
Theater Manager: "Your second act was magnificent, Miss De Fleur! Your suffering was almost real."
Miss De Fleur: "It was, I've got a nail in my shoe."
Theater Manager: "Well, for heaven's sake leave it in until the third and final act is complete."
After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to leave at the same time, only to be faced with the daunting task of finding our cars in the crowded parking lot. Just then my car horn beeped, and I was able to locate my vehicle easily.
“Wow,” the woman said. “I sure could use a gadget like that to help me find my car.”
“Actually,” I replied, “that’s my husband.”
Wayne, who has been impatiently waiting for a friend: "Where have you been all afternoon?"
Friend: "I just saw the movie 'Henry the Sixteenth'."
Wayne: "You mean 'Henry the Eight', where did you get 'Henry the Sixteenth'?"
Friend: "I sat through it twice."