"Why is Miss Jones wearing black?"
"She's in mourning for her husband."
"Why, she never had a husband?"
"That's why she mourns."
"What's that piece of cord tied around your finger for?"
"My wife put it there to remind me to take a letter to the Post Office."
"And did you mail it?"
"No, she forgot to give me the letter."
The manager of a touring theatrical company emailed the owner of the theater in a small town where his company was due to appear.
"Would like to hold rehearsal next Monday afternoon at three. Have your stage manager, carpenter, property man, electrician, and all stage hands present at that hour."
A few seconds later he received the following reply: "All right. He'll be there."
Theater Manager: "Your second act was magnificent, Miss De Fleur! Your suffering was almost real."
Miss De Fleur: "It was, I've got a nail in my shoe."
Theater Manager: "Well, for heaven's sake leave it in until the third and final act is complete."