Theater Manager: "Your second act was magnificent, Miss De Fleur! Your suffering was almost real."
Miss De Fleur: "It was, I've got a nail in my shoe."
Theater Manager: "Well, for heaven's sake leave it in until the third and final act is complete."
After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to leave at the same time, only to be faced with the daunting task of finding our cars in the crowded parking lot. Just then my car horn beeped, and I was able to locate my vehicle easily.
“Wow,” the woman said. “I sure could use a gadget like that to help me find my car.”
“Actually,” I replied, “that’s my husband.”
Wayne, who has been impatiently waiting for a friend: "Where have you been all afternoon?"
Friend: "I just saw the movie 'Henry the Sixteenth'."
Wayne: "You mean 'Henry the Eight', where did you get 'Henry the Sixteenth'?"
Friend: "I sat through it twice."
A well known speaker lectured to the members of the literary society. After his address the secretary approached him with a check. This he politely refused, saying that it might be devoted to some charitable purpose.
"Would you mind if we added it to our special fund? " she ask.
"Not at all," said the speaker. "What is the special fund for?"
"To allow us to get a better speaker for next year."