A well known speaker lectured to the members of the literary society. After his address the secretary approached him with a check. This he politely refused, saying that it might be devoted to some charitable purpose.
"Would you mind if we added it to our special fund? " she ask.
"Not at all," said the speaker. "What is the special fund for?"
"To allow us to get a better speaker for next year."
Two people went to the train station and as soon as they reached the station they found the train was just leaving so they started chasing the train, One of them managed to climb aboard and left.
The other guy started laughing so hard. When asked why he was laughing that he got left behind, he said, "The reason I'm laughing is because the guy who got on the train was just escorting me!"
A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune teller's tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down.
"Ah....." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children."
"That's what you think," the man laughed. "I'm the father of THREE children."
The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think!"